A+ A A-

Lap dogs & devil dogs - the final solution

By Kensal Scream

Time for another rant by the Kensal Scream! This time on dogs. Warning: it contains strong language.

Dogs! - Dogs, dogs f*****g dogs!
Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs. It’s just certain f*****g dogs. No, let me correct that, its certain people who have certain f*****g dogs. Not just any dogs, but f*****g licky, lap dogs and c**ting Neanderthal devil dogs. 
I mean what’s the point? One type is so f*****g yappy, small and fluffy, with a brain the size of garden pea, and that’s before I’ve even started on the dog. 
They spend their time trolling round your ankles trying to either dry hump your shoes or snuffle every other dog’s bollocks. They’re like a fluff ridden, overactive thyroid gland with f*****g legs! I mean a bog-eyed rat on crack wearing a fluffy hot water bottle cover would be more appealing.
And the other – the devil dog is like a gym-pumped Phil Mitchel, neckless, feckless and pointless. Great if you like a dog that takes YOU for a walk. I must have seen countless owners being dragged to the shops they should organize devil dog drag racing. They always looks like they want to go somewhere in a hurry then forget the point of being there when they arrive. 
So here’s a f*****g radical idea – two pointless lumps of canine c**ts – lap dogs and devil dogs, the final solution! 
Let’s get the f*****g shit-sniffing balls of bog-eyed fluff to have a go at snuffling the testosterone-filled knackers of the no-necked, saw-jawed, behemoth and observe the natural selection and the f*****g food chain take its course! I’m talking hot dog with a fluffy f*****g bun! And with the social f*****g outcry at a big nasty dog doing what its bred to do ensures that it too is taken on it’s last f*****g drag walk to the Vet – it wouldn’t be such a f*****g hurry if it knew where it was going this time, both breeds f****d off in one fell swoop – then its job f*****g done, leaving the park to the snoring pot bellied Labradors.
That’s another thing, why can’t cats do f*****g ironing, they’re f*****g useless too!
The Kensal Scream.
Related articles
{module Facebook FanBox for articles} 

News Show Pro GK5

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
Prev Next

Ostuni Queen's Park by M. Kuehn

07-12-2015 Hits:1866 People & Places Maria Kuehn - avatar Maria Kuehn

Ostuni Queen's Park by M. Kuehn

Having recently savoured the delights of the very superior Pulia near Borough Market, an eatery that serves the finest food and wine exclusively from Puglia, I thought it would be...

Read more

Portobello Radio Ep 42, with Chris Sulli…

04-12-2015 Hits:1438 Portobello Radio Piers Thompson - avatar Piers Thompson

Portobello Radio Ep 42, with Chris Sullivan & Piers Thompson: The End Is Nigh Special.

 Piping hot from the USB, the latest episode in which your intrepid hosts bemoan the idea that the best way to deal with disaffected people is to bomb them.

Read more

Two meetings, one voice

04-12-2015 Hits:1677 Local Emma Dent Coad - avatar Emma Dent Coad

Two meetings, one voice

You had to be there. North and south of the borough are up in arms. Different faces, different voices, but one common message: ‘Don’t destroy our community for profit’.

Read more

Tabs GK5

No tabs to display

More News

Prev Next


Portobello Radio Ep 42, with Chris Sullivan & Piers Thompson: The End Is Nigh Special.


 Piping hot from the USB, the latest episode in ...

Read more


Two meetings, one voice

Two meeting…

You had to be there. North and south of the boro...

Read more


New Site

New Site

We're back ;)   Read more: New Site...

Read more


Corbyn Won Kensington Nomination

Corbyn Won …

On July 21st Jeremy Corbyn overwhelmingly won th...

Read more


Hats-off to Micky P: Portobello Live 3rd/4th May

Hats-off to…

Reflecting on the Portobello Live Festival - by ...

Read more


Portobello community stands up against plans to turn iconic area into bland shopping centre


Hundreds of protestors, including children and p...

Read more

More News 2

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
Prev Next


Greferendum: an anthology


Thinking of Greece. ...

Read more


Pink Cigar video release

Pink Cigar …

 Local down’n’dirty rock’n’roll outfit Pink Ciga...

Read more


Gaz’s Rockin Blues 35th Anniversary Spectacular

Gaz’s Rocki…

Gaz’s Rockin Blues 35th Anniversary Spectacular ...

Read more


Interactive Video Art at The Dissenters Gallery Catacombs


On Saturday 4 July, 11-5pm, a chance to see the ...

Read more


"Exposed" a Solo Show by Louis-Nicholas Darbon


 Coming up Thursday- June 4th -  at the Graffik ...

Read more


Mock The Opera Protest @ Holland Park

Mock The Op…

A protest is taking place tomorrow at the Hollan...

Read more


Where next for Labour?

Where next …

 Labour’s defeat in the UK general election on M...

Read more


Artists For Nepal – local benefit gig for Nepal

Artists For…

 Thursday May 21st at the Elgin with music, film...

Read more


RED ALERT by Maximilian Wiedemann


West Bank last exhibition at the current buildin...

Read more

Related Articles

Local Events Calendar

<<  January 2020  >>
 Mo  Tu  We  Th  Fr  Sa  Su 

Upcoming Events

Social GK5

writers pic2

We're looking for writers! Join in! (scroll down the article)


  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • 7

I don't do …

I don't do rants. But,

...it's a rant! ...

Read more

Last Night …

Last Night I Dreamt...

"I could see the body of Kim Kardashian..." ...

Read more

Portobello …

Portobello drinkers 'harassed' by children

  From our sports correspondent Dave 'the ...

Read more

Everyone’s …

Everyone’s a F*****g DJ

by Kensal Scream  At long last! Another salvo f...

Read more

Lap dogs …

Lap dogs & devil dogs - the final solution

By Kensal Scream Time for another rant by the K...

Read more

Trains and …

Trains and  lycra pants

 By Kensal Scream That Really Grinds my Gears i...

Read more

An e-mail f…

An e-mail from Billy Connolly?

We can not be sure that  it’s his but it co...

Read more

Reader's Choice


The Colon Diaries by Steve Graham (all)

The Colon D…

  By Steve Graham Following several requests, ...

Read more

Your Experience


Error: No articles to display

Real time web analytics, Heat map tracking

Login or Sign Up