A+ A A-

Everyone’s a F*****g DJ

by Kensal Scream 
At long last! Another salvo from Kensal Scream with its caustic humour for the masses!

 

Everyone’s a f*****g DJ – you can’t throw a stone in West London without hitting a DJ! When you meet them down the pub its hi what do you do?  I’m a Property Developer but actually I’m a DJ. Oh me? I’m a Chef but believe it or not, actually I’m a DJ. You’ll never guess to look at me, I’m a Builder but actually if you really want to know I’m a DJ…Arghhhhhh! 
 
No you’re not a f*****g DJ! You’re just some sad c**t  with a pair of dusty decks that sits under your f*****g bed until a group of poor sods get invited round for a party and you wheel out all the shit vinyl you’ve stacked up for donkey’s years, (tunes that were shit the first time round) and you subject your long suffering guests to an evening of mind numbing bollocks whist waving your arm in the air shouting “Tune!”  
 
So what to do with this collection of half-wits and their half tonne of f*****g useless, shitty vinyl?  Get them all in a room together with their wheels of steel so they can bore each other to death with “Big shout outs!” to imaginary friends?  Get them all to swap their shit compilation tapes so they can compare notes on obscure tracks like f*****g train spotters and leave us all alone?  Actually get them to play a gig – a real gig – and watch them being stoned, not with dope but with half bricks, because they’re f*****g useless, with about as much DJ’ing skills as a one armed monkey with cerebral palsy! 
 
 
 
 
Well I’ve got a f*****g radical idea! We’ve just had the coldest winter on record for over 30 years with a thaw that has left the roads with an unprecedented amount of potholes, with a road repair bill of over £30 million pounds. 
 
So lets get all those f*****g shit ‘toy DJ’s’ and chain them together whilst they walk behind a mobile tarmac melting pot and f*****g great big road roller with a huge PA system strapped on board blasting out ‘Last Night A DJ Saved My Life’. Then, the chain-gang of useless c**ts, sorry DJ’s, can shuffle behind whilst passing their records along the line. Then a big, hairy, Road Navy can shovel their shitty heaps vinyl straight in the pot and bingo! Pour the f*****g lot into the various potholes and roll away. Hot melted vinyl finally put to some good use, sparing us all from the f*****g crap that pressed onto it and the tone-deaf tuneless twats that insists on playing it! 
 
We can all line the streets as they pass, waving our arms in the air giving the useless c**ts ‘a big shout out’ whilst screaming “tune!” happy in the knowledge we’ll never have to listen to their shit music ever again! 
 
We could send teams of shit bedroom DJ’s around the country repairing our broken roads and finally nail the true meaning of the initials DJ…the immortal clobber of any self respecting road worker the Donkey Jacket.
 
{module Related articles}
 
{module Facebook FanBox for articles} 

Comments   

#1 broken 2017-03-10 09:09
Quality articles or reviews is the main to interest the people to visit the web
site, that's what this web page is providing.

More News

Prev Next

Hits:12130

Two meetings, one voice

Two meeting…

You had to be there. North and south of the boro...

Read more

Hits:34324

New Site

New Site

We're back ;)   Read more: New Site...

Read more

Hits:12714

Corbyn Won Kensington Nomination

Corbyn Won …

On July 21st Jeremy Corbyn overwhelmingly won th...

Read more

Hits:13298

Hats-off to Micky P: Portobello Live 3rd/4th May

Hats-off to…

Reflecting on the Portobello Live Festival - by ...

Read more

Hits:16086

Portobello community stands up against plans to turn iconic area into bland shopping centre

Portobello

Hundreds of protestors, including children and p...

Read more

Hits:14174

Leon Löwentraut at the The Muse Gallery

Leon Löwent…

Never too early to become a full fledged artist ...

Read more

More News 2

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
Prev Next

Hits:15197

Greferendum: an anthology

Greferendum…

Thinking of Greece. ...

Read more

Hits:12713

Pink Cigar video release

Pink Cigar …

 Local down’n’dirty rock’n’roll outfit Pink Ciga...

Read more

Hits:16874

Gaz’s Rockin Blues 35th Anniversary Spectacular

Gaz’s Rocki…

Gaz’s Rockin Blues 35th Anniversary Spectacular ...

Read more

Hits:13833

Interactive Video Art at The Dissenters Gallery Catacombs

Interactive…

On Saturday 4 July, 11-5pm, a chance to see the ...

Read more

Hits:13112

"Exposed" a Solo Show by Louis-Nicholas Darbon

"Expos…

 Coming up Thursday- June 4th -  at the Graffik ...

Read more

Hits:13511

Mock The Opera Protest @ Holland Park

Mock The Op…

A protest is taking place tomorrow at the Hollan...

Read more

Hits:13980

Where next for Labour?

Where next …

 Labour’s defeat in the UK general election on M...

Read more

Hits:13313

Artists For Nepal – local benefit gig for Nepal

Artists For…

 Thursday May 21st at the Elgin with music, film...

Read more

Hits:13521

RED ALERT by Maximilian Wiedemann

RED ALERT b…

West Bank last exhibition at the current buildin...

Read more

Related Articles

Local Events Calendar

<<  <  August 2019  >  >>
 Mo  Tu  We  Th  Fr  Sa  Su 
   
 

Upcoming Events

Fb

writers pic2

We're looking for writers! Join in! (scroll down the article)

Rants

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • 7

I don't do …

I don't do rants. But,

...it's a rant! ...

Read more

Last Night …

Last Night I Dreamt...

"I could see the body of Kim Kardashian..." ...

Read more

Portobello …

Portobello drinkers 'harassed' by children

  From our sports correspondent Dave 'the ...

Read more

Everyone’s …

Everyone’s a F*****g DJ

by Kensal Scream  At long last! Another salvo f...

Read more

Lap dogs …

Lap dogs & devil dogs - the final solution

By Kensal Scream Time for another rant by the K...

Read more

Trains and …

Trains and  lycra pants

 By Kensal Scream That Really Grinds my Gears i...

Read more

An e-mail f…

An e-mail from Billy Connolly?

We can not be sure that  it’s his but it co...

Read more

Reader's Choice

Hits:74346

The Colon Diaries by Steve Graham (all)

The Colon D…

  By Steve Graham Following several requests, ...

Read more

Your Experience

Popular

Error: No articles to display

review and preview

Login or Sign Up